Kindness. Loyalty. Beauty. Focus. Passion. Great Sex. Ambition. Intelligence. Great Cook. Bright Eyes. Hot Legs. Financial Security. These are some of the hundreds of reasons people fall in love with each other. Believe me, I've heard the most unreasonable and bizarre reasons why people fall in love. Some are so silly, you’d believe they can only be true in children's fantasy movies. But hey, we all have reasons why we do what we do. There’s a motivation behind every action. You have a reason for purchasing a ticket to go see a Beyoncé concert over a Backstreet Boys concert. There's definitely a reason behind you planning a vacation to Disney World with your family. There's a reason why you'd pick the cheesecake over the banana pudding for desert.
How many times have you heard people say the words, “I love you because...”? Yeah. I bet hundreds of times. I bet you’ve said it to someone or someone has said it to you at some point in your lifet. If not, wait a little...you’ll hear it. When I was in high school, I was really crazy about this classmate of mine, Ada. Why? Because she always smelt so good. It seemed her body spray was on auto spray 24 hours a day. Yeah. If you take a poll and ask couples why they got married or why they love each other, the list will be a mile long for some, and a millimeter short for others. Truth is, everyone has a reason. But my question is this; must I have a reason to love you? Really?
Let me explain. As a kid, I was a huge fan of Wrestling. I loved the WWF and Wrestlemania. I grew up on André The Giant, Kamala the Ugandan Giant, Mighty Igor, Hulk Hogan and The Undertaker. I was hooked. But as I got older, and acquired a better understanding of showbiz, I realized all the things that thrilled me about the sport were staged. I was hurt and I felt betrayed. I lost all interest in the sport and never looked back. I loved it but when the thing I loved about it was lost, my love for the sport vaporized and went with it.
So when you say you love the woman you are married to because she is beautiful, has great legs and speaks so eloquently, what happens when she gets involved in a car crash and those legs aren’t so straight anymore? What happens when her face gets scarred and her brain can’t comprehend words anymore. Do you walk away?
When you love your man because he gives you financial security, will you walk away when that security is gone? When the six-pack becomes a single keg, are you staying or leaving because he won you over with the abs? If you married her because she’s a sexy size 8 now, give it time, she’ll become a 12 or 14. Are you going to pack your bags and run off to Zamunda?
I’m not saying it’s wrong to be attracted to features and attributes about your spouse or partner. Hey! I love beautiful women (check my records), so I don’t blame you for spotting the hottest girl or dude in the room. We all have a checklist in our heads when we want to date or settle down. Yes we do. We start hunting for the people who can check off items on the list. But if your essence for loving is tied to that list, start your countdown to the separation as soon as you start dating. Why? Your list will fail you.
Marriage is beyond a list of pros and cons. It’s beyond having a scale where you weight the good over the bad. Ask me how I know? I was married. Got divorced. Then remarried. Now I get it.
I’ve learnt that it’s great to meet people and know them for who they are and not try to make them who you want them to be. When you know them, you can fall in love with who and what you know. At least, think you know.
Through my experiences and studies, I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t need a reason to love my wife. I love her “just because”. Yes, I fell in love with an intelligent, hard working, beautiful, sexy, romantic, creative but extremely stubborn and strong-willed woman. You heard me. Underline the stubborn and strong-willed. I didn’t know how persistent and military-minded she was. But I saw the beauty and everything else. I didn’t fall in love with beauty however, I just loved her for reasons I couldn’t put a finger on. I knew that when something happened to me, she was the first person I wanted to tell. When I was down and upset about certain things, it was her voice I wanted to hear saying, “Danny, you’ll be ok”. As stubborn and strong willed as she is, knowing that she may not even like my gentle and diplomatic ways of dispute resolution, I’d still want to run the ideas by her for her opinion which is always valid.
When I’m away from home on a shoot or project, I just can’t wait to get back. Even when I know I’d probably have a 5 minute fight with her after 2 hours of returning home, I just want to be home.
Yes, we fight everyday for at most 5 minutes, over the dumbest things you can possibly think of. Then we make up before you can say ‘JACK ROBINSON’. Through this, I love her. I don’t have a reason for loving her but I also don’t have a reason NOT TO. I just love her. So, the day she stops being a size 8, or stops flaunting her ‘yellow laps’ all over our bedroom, or reduces our late night shenanigans to once in 6 months (emm...baby please don’t. I’m begging), I won’t stop loving her. Why? Because I’m not married to her for those reasons. I love her...just because.
Our parents don't need a reason to love us. We could be good kids, bad kids or great kids; an ideal parent would love the kid regardless. Same thing happens when you find "THE ONE". Against all odds you'll love that person.
When you love for a reason, it means that love will be gone when that reason goes away.. But when you love someone “Just Because”, when situations arise, the love will be tested, but it will stay because what you share and feel is not tied to anything else but GOD.
Let’s look at it from this angle. God has no reason to love us. As a matter of fact, he can come up with a million reasons to turn his back on us. As humans we are stubborn, evil, deceitful, we’ve turned His word upside down and manipulated it for self profit, we have redesigned and restructured various institutions away from his original plan and design, but He loves us still. He sent his son to die on Calvary in spite of the hateful things and evil happening. He has continued to show that he loves us unconditionally. When Jesus was on the cross he said “Father forgive them for they know not what they’re doing”. That’s love right there. If I were Jesus, I’d be raining down bolts of lightning on the folks who just nailed me to a cross simply for being a good dude and making their lives better. But he prayed for them. That’s love.
Love is a very powerful emotion. One of the strongest feelings on the planet. It grows on us. In it’s purest and truest form, it usually creeps in when when least expect it and consumes us. The next thing I say may give you a cause to pause - and disagree. But take a minute to ponder over this:
It’s hard to choose the people we TRULY LOVE. Your heart chooses them, not you. Think back to the person you can call your TRUE LOVE. It wasn’t the hair, the eyes or the wealth. He was probably one broke dude living in his sister’s basement. But your heart chose him and you could have done anything for him.
To my beautiful wife Stella Damasus, I love you....just because.